Numbers Game

It’s hard to realize day to day how much your body has changed when you’re losing weight.  It takes time, and pretty soon you get used to the new self you see and forget what the old self looks like.  (And if you’re lucky and have body dysmorphia, you convince your crazy brain that you look exactly the same as you did before.  Fun times.)

I’m officially done losing weight.  It’s been almost seven months, and I’ve lost 17 pounds.  Here’s what 17 pounds looks like.


Yep, I lost a Bailey.

And now for a more humbling version of 17 pounds.

IMG_3863On the left is the picture that made me start my weight loss: my 33rd birthday, taken from my hotel room in Tokyo.  The heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  It is so.hard. for me to look at this picture, let alone leave it on my blog or repost it again!  On the right is a picture my husband took this morning.

The craziest part?  I’m wearing the same skirt.  The bad lighting in my hotel room caused me to lighten the heck outta the pic on the left, but it’s the same skirt.


So where did I go wrong?  Well, in my 20s I was super lucky and never gained weight.  No matter what I ate or drank, or however many days I spent laying on the bed (probably hungover), I didn’t gain a pound.  I was so lucky!!  But the luck backfired on me when I turned 30 and my body started changing fast.  I didn’t know anything about calories and paid no attention to the way I was eating.  I basically just pretended I was in my 20s still.  And the biggest mistake I made?  I went up a size in clothes instead of losing weight.  Because now I have a closet full of suits that are too big (see, e.g., the picture on the right!).

I can’t help regretting the last three years.  I regret buying bigger clothes that now need to get tailored.  I regret getting rid of clothes instead of losing weight.  I regret letting myself go.  I regret forcing my husband to watch me spiral down and not being able to help.

But.  It is what it is.  🙂  And now, I am happier in my own skin now than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

So I decided to post this horrible before and after picture today to remind myself where I’ve been and how much I’ve accomplished.  And if anyone reads this and wants to change your life too: it sounds so lame, but seriously–you can do it!!

Thanks for listening friends.  I miss you; more posts coming soon.

Blondie, Esq.


23 thoughts on “Numbers Game

  1. Ush says:

    Congratulations on reaching the milestone! And so quickly too. Shows what you can achieve if you put your mind to it. Stay healthy, but more importantly, stay happy!
    ps – hope you celebrate your new (old?) body with a teeny bit of shopping!

  2. @LegallyPrep (Christina) says:

    Hey friend! I love your blog! You are so right about the after 30 thing. We are almost exactly the same age, and just like you, I could eat anything in my 20s and not gain a pound. I was under 120 pounds comfortably all through my 20s. Now, every 4-6 months I gain 5-10 pounds and have to calorie reduce for a few weeks until it comes off again. It’s annoying, but I guess it is part of life and will only get harder after motherhood if we cross that bridge!. The only good thing about having to lose weight is that paying attention to diet and exercise IS really healthy. I’ve been regularly and diligently running and lifting for about a year now, so at least I can feel like even with a little extra weight I am in good shape (and some of it is hopefully muscle). The food part is harder because I love carbs and wine. 😦 My well loved wardrobe is also my giant encouragement not to grow too far out of my clothes, as you said! Congrats on your weight loss, you look amazing!

    • Blondie, Esq. says:

      Thank you so much!! I feel like women don’t talk about the 30s body changes — I had no idea that it was coming. Sounds like you have been handling it much better than me though! I’m trying to learn how to find the right calorie balance to avoid gaining the weight back but don’t want to lose anymore. Oh the joys of being a woman! 😉

    • Blondie, Esq. says:

      Thank you so much! I changed my diet a bit (I tried to eat 40-50% of my calories in protein in the first 8 weeks) and cut calories — I did 1200 net calories per day. The other thing that helped was to cut alcohol out of my diet almost completely during the first few months. I’m not an exercise person but if that works for you, you earn lots more calories that way! These days I’m eating 1500 net calories, which means more room for wine. 🙂 The most helpful thing for me was My Fitness Pal — really great app that helps you measure your calorie intake. I love that you can connect with friends and that you can scan foods at home. Generally (before and after diet) I eat fairly healthy foods; we try to eat natural and organic at home, with as little high fructose corn syrup as possible. I also don’t have any artificial sweeteners at all (including toothpaste!). I cut artificial sweeteners back in 2007, and I highly recommend it. Hope this helps! 🙂

  3. Karen says:

    Well done! I thought you looked wonderful in the earlier picture too: you shouldn’t hate looking at the earlier you, But, of course your shape is now something else, and I am looking forward to seeing photos of the same classic but fun style on the new you – please don’t change that style too much! The best thing of all is the way you achieved your goal – that’s an inspiration to us all. And that you haven’t stopped the wine! K x

  4. Gina says:

    oh no! Now i’m super nervous about turning 30, I’m 28 and already starting to see changes. What do you recommend for weight loss? Lots of salads?

    • Blondie, Esq. says:

      Thank you so much!! A few caveats I didn’t mention above. First, I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist or a trainer, so you should definitely talk to someone before cutting calories. 🙂 Second, don’t be nervous!!! The fact that you’re already paying attention to your body changes makes you leagues ahead of me. If you make small changes now, my guess is you will be able to avoid the weight gain completely! Finally, I absolutely love being in my 30s. There’s way more to look forward to as you get older than to dread. Best of luck and thanks again for your sweet comments! xoxo.

  5. amysvintagecloset says:

    YOU LOOK AMAZING!!! I know how hard it can be to be vulnerable with yourself let alone the blogesphere. I kept noticing via Instagram how small you looked and damn girl you deserve it! 🙂 You’re such an inspiration.

  6. Angela says:

    Dang girl!! You look awesome. By no means did you look big or bad before either, but you are tiny now. I guess I shouldn’t be a MFP quitter and maybe I could achieve the same happy you did! Especially considering that I was on board with it initially when you started. I have no self control so I know how hard this can be and I’m so proud of you for getting to where you want to be again!

    • Blondie, Esq. says:

      Thank you so much!! 🙂 You can definitely do it, although you look awesome already!! For me the hardest part was getting used to logging everything in MFP, and you do have to be religious about it. I think there are only one or two days in the last 8 months where I didn’t log my calories. But once you get in a routine, it’s really not so bad! I love adding recipes too, makes it easy to add the food you eat more often. And I’m always here to cheer you on! 😉

  7. The GSB says:

    Taking a quick study break to see what my favorite Esq is up to! 🙂 Congrats on losing the weight, although you looked fabulous 7 months ago too! I know we both started the big diet overhaul around the same time, and your #s are a major inspiration! MFP is really awesome now that they’ve revamped their iPhone app (I use the jawbone UP band in conjunction with MFP and Runkeeper–the golden trifecta!). One day when I’m not swimming in case briefs, I’ll do a thorough post on the merits of health metrics apps (fyi I’ve finally started law school, so the GSB might be more or less dunzo until Xmas break). BTW don’t be sad about your suits — J. Crew’s having their Labor Day sale soon! and then there’s always Nordy’s half-yearly, haha 😉

    • Blondie, Esq. says:

      Thanks girl! I’ve been contemplating revamping my suit collection with new pieces instead of tailoring… we shall see what ends up happening! I seriously love MFP–game changer! Good luck and don’t study too hard. 🙂

  8. lizzird says:

    I am so late to the party, but noticed you’d been steadily dropping weight in your IG photos and wanted to congratulate your hard work! It’s so impressive to see your discipline and effort pay off. Way to go!

  9. Rachel says:

    Wow, you really look amazing girl! Good for you! I didn’t start gaining weight until after 22. Its like I wasn’t ready for the real world and so the convenience of unhealthy premaid meals was my go to. I am kind of glad it happened now though because I will never let it happen again! I have had a rough year and a half because of it but I’m finally getting somewhere and I’m happy 🙂

    • Blondie, Esq. says:

      Thank you so much!! And yep — you are definitely ahead of the game. I’m proud of you for taking charge and getting back to happy! It’s amazing how much better you feel about everything in life when you feel comfortable in your own skin. 🙂 xoxo.

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